Mary · Ann

my sleep schedule was going soooooo well! It might not have been the most normal, but it was steady, I got a steady 9 hours a day. Now it seems as though my body does not wish to do this anymore, back to the days of 3-4 hour intrevals  of sleep, each one ending with me waking up feeling the worst I've ever felt, body sore and pulsing, head pounding- no relief.

Maybe I have too much on my mind, stressed about finding an apartment to live in by the beginning of august, stressed about paying bills.

I filled out my FAFSA and sent it to UTPB, I'm tired of feeling like I'm doing nothing, I hate having a stupid job without the excuse that I'm in school right now, I don't want to be a slacker and its time to get the ball rolling again on getting this head educated.

Cosmetology was a good idea in theory but the hours killed me-- c'est la vie. I've learned my lesson now.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a disapointment to people that are most important to me. Am I a good to Alex? I feel like I take advantage of his kind hearted nature sometimes without even meaning to. Do I do as much for him as he does for me?

I try to.. but sometimes I think it might not be enough. I want to do as much for him as I possibly can but sometimes I get selfish... I don't mean to. I really don't.

I want to be that person that never utters a word filled with hate, I want my words to be understanding and even in criticism, fueled by love and caring. I want to think about others more than I do myself, and I want the wisdom to know whose demeanor is false and self serving, so I can keep myself at a safe distance.

I want NEED to be headed somewhere full force by the end of this year.

I will get this life back on track.